


Spectrum

by ynjunwhore



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Artsy, M/M, Smut, Sweet, and chenle/jisung, but barely, but not too much, but v into the feels, jaem is a mix of colors, jeno doesnt know what to do with that information, just at the end, mentions of chenle/jeno, mentions of drug use, not rlly descriptive???, so yeth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:42:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23499220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ynjunwhore/pseuds/ynjunwhore
Summary: Jeno sees the world in colors.Jaemin just so happens to be a new one.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 13
Kudos: 46





	Spectrum

**Author's Note:**

> quarantine has me fucked up but its okay.
> 
> Stay safe, stay inside! Dont eat all the takis in ur house! Do exercise!
> 
> Anyways karen said to stream on and fiesta so 👀👄👀

Jeno sees the world in colors.

Vibrant reds and soft greens, fading yellows and sparkling violets. _All_ kinds of shades and dreamy swirls of them mixing and splitting. Jeno has seen them since he was a kid, still so _young_ and trying to figure things out with a mind full of innocence. In his early teens too, with _all_ his might and bravery, with _all_ his dreams and hopes and the feelings he couldn't quite figure out.

The colors were _always_ there, begging to be used and learned in their hues and magic. But Jeno hadn't known that back then, hadn't realized he would become so dependent on them. He simply wanted an out, an exit that would not close when he tried to backpedal.

(Later, Jeno would realize that the colors were not meant to be used like he thought they were; a _guide_ rather than a _tool.)_

Blue was by far Jeno's favorite. Blue was homemade cookies and sleepovers with Renjun. Blue was watching Jisung and Chenle bloom like beautiful flowers right before his eyes, growing into themselves with _ease_ and _confidence_ Jeno had never had. Blue was everything Jeno loved and everything he held close to his heart.

Blue like the sky and blue like the sea, so happy and loved. Blue was fulfilling and _beautiful_ ― slipping from everyone like water. Blue like a field of blue bonnets, a freeing feeling that was filled with everything and nothing. A vast space with no end, always being filled.

Blue was a good color. Blue was mostly present in Jeno's life.

But blue didn't always stay.

Sometimes red wanted to play too, angrily sliding in between the cracks, latching itself onto Jeno's emotions in a vice tight grip. Red and blue would smudge, strangling each other in an attempt to take over. Red was _bad_. Red was fights between Donghyuck and Jeno, an ugly color that invited hate and anger. Red was the screaming and crying of betrayal from Chenle to Jisung.

Red was lonelines and emptiness, a vast desert full of beauty _too_ real to the point of ugliness. Red was ― _has_ always been ― a color in most people. Covered head to toe in it, with a smudge of green and a tiny hint of blue. Red was common, red was one and all. Red wanted to play too ― and it almost always won.

The violets always surrounded Jeno's friends, all laughter and jokes and smiles too bright to last. Violet was a color Jeno treasured. Dark to the point of almost overtaking, consistent in its coloring. Violet was friendship blooming and evolving, changing and rolling and always so quick to _break_ and _heal_.

Violet was Jeno and Chenle experimenting and getting caught, finding an adrenaline rush that changed _everything_. Violet was Jisung closing off like a polaroid camera, not quite so ready to take those snap shots any more. Violet was the forgiveness and the pain, the nature of things that went that way.

Violet was hurt and happiness rolled into one, a packaging full of different things that were nowhere near simple to figure out. A beautiful color that shined with confusing friendships and relationships. It was a color that Jeno liked to see, and hated to watch unfold. It was never as simple as tic tac toe ― _never_ as simple as finishing a game with a single winner.

With violet, there was never just one winner, or one loser. Sometimes _everyone_ failed, sometimes no one did. Violet was different. Words rolling off the tongue too simply, a handling that went too roughly ― that was Violet.

Green, opposite to what anyone would think, was _not_ jealousy. Green was on the spectrum of dark, a pair of intense emotions that could ― like any other strong enough emotion ― _develop_ into jealousy. Green was passion and wishes, not a matter of _can_ but _will_. Green was seeing Donghyuck struggle with dangerous addictions, his eyes _always_ teary with hatred of himself, of the world and of those who pushed him to that edge.

Green was seeing Chenle and Jisung push each other away, not bothering to _fix_ the severed bond, the collapsed bridge that they could have rebuilt. Green was the _pretty_ lies and the _ugly_ truth, the turning of the back and the closing of the mind and heart.

When Jeno met Jaemin, his world exploded in colors, all of them mixing and stirring and causing Jeno to feel a _true_ thing ― a real thing that someone could search for, wasting _years_ within years, and never find. Jaemin was bright pink and fading yellow, he was green to the max and blue in every edge and crevice. His eyes, sparkling and shining with _silver_ , his lips against Jeno's tasting of _violet_.

His hands tracing sunset orange on Jeno's chest as he let out pretty, breathy sounds full of liquid gold. Jaemin was amazing in his errors, perfect in his mistakes. His colors always too bright or too light ― something either blinding or faint. Jeno would spend days trying to figure him out ― and yet.

And yet.

There was always something new to be discovered with Jaemin. He was _never_ the same shade of any color twice. He was a whole new person that Jeno tried and tried and tried, for lord's sake, to keep up with. And he ran after him ― always panting and red faced because holy hell, Jaemin was otherwordly in all his actions.

His kisses, his stares, his laughter and tears. His eyes that said _blue_ while his lips tasted _red._ He was complicated and simple, too much and too little. Too loud and too quiet. Jaemin was everything and nothing ― all colors and none. And Jeno was in love.

Staring down at Jaemin, body bare but for his pretty white, clean hoodie, was another firework going off in Jeno's mind. Jaemin's pretty eyes wet with tears, his lips mouthing whisps of words like incantations, that was a new color, rising clean out of the ashes of previous happiness. Jaemin's gasps and high pitched noises were a candied blue and violet mix.

Soft and shallow and addicting. Jaemin locking his arms around Jeno's neck, his eyes closed and his eyelashes dark with wet tears, that was its own color, too bright and loud and pretty ― _so_ pretty.

Jaemin letting out a throaty call of Jeno's name as Jeno fucked into him slowly ― that was a new color on the spectrum, with no burning yellow or menacing sea blue to swallow it or strangle it. The vanilla scent on Jaemin's hoodie, his legs open and inviting, with his eyes big and dark and blown wide with want, a brown so tender and honest.

Jeno felt the blue seeping everywhere, the fiery red receding back into utter nothingness because _Jaemin_. Jaemin with his defiance and bravery and his shadow that never seemed to want to let him go.

Jaemin who tasted like strawberries and a swarm of colors ― too many stings and too many bees in one hive. Jaemin's unique color, the one Jeno loved the most.

His lips bitten red and his eyes now open again, tears still streaming down his face like a new taste ― a new color. His back bowing, his mouth falling open and his body relaxing, like a puppet on strings unable to do anything else as Jeno sloppily and messily tries to get there too, his mind full of desperation and no concerns.

And Jaemin sighs with satisfaction when Jeno collapses next to him, his pretty doll eyes flashing once again with that new color. He smiles a deep sea blue, his voice coming out as a hoarse whisper when he tries to talk. (Jeno has no idea if that's another shade or not.)

"What color am I, Jeno?" Teasing, another flower blooming somewhere within.

So simple. _Too simple._

Yet Jeno has no idea.


End file.
